So lately I have been spiritually attacked... A LOT! More so than I ever have been. I have been having anxiety or panic attacks. Only when I am thinking or doing something God related or headed to church. So, lets just say it happens a lot throughout the day. I can even say that it is happening right now writing this blog. My stomach is in a knot. I want to throw up. My throat is tightening up. It's kind of hard to breath and I am having to take short shallow breaths.
The closer I get to God and work on my relationship with Him and follow His direction on my life, the more I get attacked. The more I get encouraged, the Word spoke over me, and prophesied over, the more I am attacked. I know my platform is going to be huge for God's kingdom or else the enemy would not be trying so hard to stop me.
The worst attack just happened this week. Steven (my husband) encouraged me to share this. It is not easy for me to share, but writing is... so here goes.
Monday morning, Steven left for work early. So instead of getting up at 5am like I usually do, I decided to sleep in til 6am. I fell back asleep after Steven left at 5am. I woke up in a panic at 5;40am. I had just had a horrible, graphic, terrifying nightmare. I do not normally have nightmares. I actually can't remember the last time I have had a really bad dream. I am not going to share the exact details. When I called Steven after I got all the kids to school and Z (youngest was home with an ear infection) situated, I called and told him everything. I broke down as soon as he answered and asked if I was okay because he could hear something in my voice. In my dream "god" (when I woke i knew it wasn't God) told me to do (and I did - in my dream) some horrible unthinkable things.
I woke up in a panic crying and started saying the Lords Prayer in my head. I got through twice and started saying it out loud. When I started saying it out loud, I could not remember and say "lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil..." I tried over and over to say it. I could not get that sentence out, which freaked me out completely - I have known the Lords Prayer since I was 5ish. I have a copy on my wall in the kitchen - After I kept trying to say the whole prayer, I was finally able to get out the full prayer after about 5mins of trying.
Afterwards I grabbed my Bible and started reading Scriptures and praying out loud. It was one of the most terrifying things I have been through. It did not stop me though. I know that was the plan. If anything, it just made me want to push further into God, write my books, and confirmed God's calling on my life for ministry.
So if you are feeling attacked, please know that God has a purpose for your life. Keep pushing and persevere. I leave you with this... Jeremiah 29:11: For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Stand on that promise.
Much love & blessings.
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