Just cuz I'm in Awe...

Yesterday, Sunday, August 31, My daughter and I were baptized. My daughter has been asking, begging in some cases, to be baptized for the last 2.5yrs. I kept telling her to wait and hold off until she was older. I wanted her to understand what she was doing. I did not have a choice this time... She was very matter-of-fact this time and did not ask, but told me she was doing it and why. I couldn't tell her to wait anymore. What she didn't know when she told me is that I was planning on getting baptized this time as well. God worked that timing out. Such a cool thing. 

The week leading up to the baptism, my daughter was so excited... counting down the days and telling everyone she knew about it. She invited her dad and his family to come and watch her. They all decided against coming...as well as my family (which we knew wouldn't be coming). I was worried that this would discourage her but it did not. She pressed ahead with such authority, joy, and excitement about it. At times, i would catch her saying something about her family coming but that was far and and few in-between. The night before she said, "I'm so excited!" I let her and her brother sleep in the living room and fall asleep to a movie, which we don't do often... So I replied, "Because your sleeping in the living room??" She gave me a look and the immediately replied with a huge smile on her face, "Nooo... I'm getting baptized tomorrow!!!!!"

Sunday got here and she was very sure that her Student Pastor HAD to baptize her. She has known him now for 3 years but has only been in youth since May of this year. She not only had him baptize her but she chose to go first! I asked her a couple times about being nervous and NEVER once did she say or show that she was!! She got up there, did her sign, and got right in the water. She came out so happy. Her heart was so right and the joy was undeniable. I was such a proud mom and so inspired by her. 

I went after her... I can't say I was excited and looking forward to the day the entire week like she was. I had a lot of anxiety leading up to this. See, God has been working in my life overtime lately. I am in constant awe of where I was and where I am now...It is all God. I could not figure out why I was having so much anxiety about my upcoming baptism...I just kept praying and asking God to show me and take away my anxiety... The Monday prior, I received an email about the process for the baptism on Sunday and as I was reading it, I had a full fledged panic attack and breakdown. I reached out to a friend about it and had another friend text me at the very moment (God's timing). They prayed for me and gave me scripture and encouraged me. Within an hour of some quiet time with God, it all came back to me.

 

I had been baptized before.. Twice actually. Once as an infant and once when I was around the age of 10 or 11. See during this time, I was forced to a church camp where I did not attend or know anyone except one person.. the person that had molested and raped me. I was baptized the week I was there but felt like I was forced to and honestly, I was scared not to. I had pushed this memory to the very back of my mind... I continued to pray about it and the anxiety level became lower and lower. That Monday I had already had lunch plans with a woman I consider a friend and mentor. She invited me for lunch on Monday a few days prior (God's timing). I get there and we had fellowship and before I left she asked to pray for me... God painted her a picture and word for me and it was what I needed at that time. So as I went on through the week, i did decent. I would have a little anxiety creep in here and there but would continue to pray through it.

Sunday morning, I was having a lot of anxiety and almost backed out... at that moment I received a Facebook message of encouragement from a lady whom I have only actually met and been around a handful of times (God's timing). It was nothing profound or "crazy" just a few simple words that helped push me to where I needed to be. She had no idea I was getting baptized or that I needed confirmation. God is so good. So we get there and anxiety level is crazy but I know I need to do this. I was trying really hard to not show my nervousness in front of my daughter because I do not want to taint her experience in even the slightest way. Her excitement and joy were so inspiring and kept me focused.  I spoke with one of our pastors shortly and he said something that I needed to hear, "This time it's for you and this one will wipe away that memory." The women prior and Pastor all said the same thing, "This is the last thing that is connecting you to your past..." I went forth and was baptized...second...right after my daughter. I cannot explain what happened. tears flowed and still do. I am in such awe of what God can do, has done, and continues to do in my life and my families life. 

They were right. The past is now just that...the past. It is not who I am. God has used all of that for His glory now. I have had so much peace and am beyond excited and looking forward to this new book of my life. It is not a new chapter.. It is a whole new book...

Isaiah 60:1 (AMP): Arise [from the depression and prostration in which circumstances have kept you—rise to a new life]! Shine (be radiant with the glory of the Lord), for your light has come, and the glory of the Lord has risen upon you!

Do Not Let The enemy Stop You

So lately I have been spiritually attacked... A LOT! More so than I ever have been. I have been having anxiety or panic attacks. Only when I am thinking or doing something God related or headed to church. So, lets just say it happens a lot throughout the day. I can even say that it is happening right now writing this blog. My stomach is in a knot. I want to throw up. My throat is tightening up. It's kind of hard to breath and I am having to take short shallow breaths.

The closer I get to God and work on my relationship with Him and follow His direction on my life, the more I get attacked. The more I get encouraged, the Word spoke over me, and prophesied over, the more I am attacked. I know my platform is going to be huge for God's kingdom or else the enemy would not be trying so hard to stop me.

The worst attack just happened this week. Steven (my husband) encouraged me to share this. It is not easy for me to share, but writing is... so here goes.

Monday morning, Steven left for work early. So instead of getting up at 5am like I usually do, I decided to sleep in til 6am.  I fell back asleep after Steven left at 5am. I woke up in a panic at 5;40am. I had just had a horrible, graphic, terrifying nightmare. I do not normally have nightmares. I actually can't remember the last time I have had a really bad dream. I am not going to share the exact details. When I called Steven after I got all the kids to school and Z (youngest was home with an ear infection) situated, I called and told him everything. I broke down as soon as he answered and asked if I was okay because he could hear something in my voice. In my dream "god" (when I woke i knew it wasn't God) told me to do (and I did - in my dream) some horrible unthinkable things.

I woke up in a panic crying and started saying the Lords Prayer in my head. I got through twice and started saying it out loud. When I started saying it out loud, I could not remember and say "lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil..." I tried over and over to say it. I could not get that sentence out, which freaked me out completely - I have known the Lords Prayer since I was 5ish. I have a copy on my wall in the kitchen - After I kept trying to say the whole prayer, I was finally able to get out the full prayer after about 5mins of trying.

Afterwards I grabbed my Bible and started reading Scriptures and praying out loud. It was one of the most terrifying things I have been through. It did not stop me though. I know that was the plan. If anything, it just made me want to push further into God, write my books, and confirmed God's calling on my life for ministry.

So if you are feeling attacked, please know that God has a purpose for your life. Keep pushing and persevere. I leave you with this... Jeremiah 29:11: For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Stand on that promise.

Much love & blessings.

Jaded, Rubies, & Summer's Fall

So what do the three things in the title of this blog have in common? Any guesses? Jewelry line? Nope. Unique names for triplets or animals?? Ummm.. No. Types of stone? Possibly, but not in this case. So what am I talking about?? These are going to be the titles of the 3 books I am going to be writing. Yep. 3. I have been told "you should write a book" so many times I can't keep count. I always brush it off. Well lately, it has been God flat out making sure I realize I am going to write...among the other things he has set for me.

I have been "playing" with the idea for awhile but always just throw it back in the back of my mind. I just can't do that anymore. A few weeks back I went to Jeannie Mayo's NYLC (National Youth Leader's Conference). I went to hear speaker, Pat Schatzline. He was speaking on the "Unqualified." Something I have been dealing with a lot in the last few months and getting into ministry. You ever have those moments where you think, "This is the reason I am here" or "Why this happened?" I had one of those moments while I am listening to him speak. he is hitting every single thing I had been dealing with. It was like someone gave him an exact word-for-word check list. After he was finished he came down to meet and greet. I just wanted to shake his hand and tell him thank you. When I shook his hand and *tried to tell him thank you, tears just streamed from my face. He said, "You are so welcome. He said I don't know your past, your story, or anything about you. I do know that I have a Word for you. you are suppose to write. God wants you to write. Grab a pen and paper and start writing." So see, I can't just brush it off. You may not believe in prophetic word, but I do. And when God is telling you things...you either listen and do or He will make it happen without your willingness.

So anyway, I am stubborn. Ask anyone who knows me well... they will agree. I'm guessing stubborn and strong-willed will come out of their mouths. Haha. So I'm stubborn and I didn't want to believe this prophetic word at first. I mean, I am 30 and my past is very colorful to say the least, that is a lot of writing.. I am already in school to finish my bachelor's degree in christian ministry, a youth leader plus some (meaning I pour into the youth ministry in any way I can), a lead over a Sunday service volunteers, lead 2 small groups and over see 2 more small groups on marriage, help my husband run a health and wellness business (that is really starting to take off - which means more work), and did I mention I have 4 kids? So having the free time to just sit and write or work on a book seems like something that could possibly make me suffocate. So what do I do? I pray. I ask God for specific confirmation and a (read, ONE) title for this so called book. So what does He do, He gives me what I asked for plus some. Not one title but three titles.

Book one will be Jaded. Jaded according to Merriam Webster Dictionary: made dull, apathetic, or cynical by experience or by surfeit. Boy, if you knew my childhood/teen years and the person I WAS. You would get that. It will make perfect sense.

Book two will be Rubies. Did you know Rubies are red and vibrant in color (natural hair color), are extremely strong (only second to diamonds), are often related to themes concerning the essence and vibrancy of life, represents the passion of love, and are treated to improve their (color and) strength. Man, again...God hit this on the head.

Book three will be Summer's Fall. I prayed on this and thought about it like crazy! I could not understand it at all. And just today, seriously...today, it came to me. I fell for Steven Summer of 2010 which lead to what has become an amazing life but has not been easy or without its trials.

So why the blog instead of working on the book. I have to practice! Plus, it's a stress reliever. Who would have thought?!?

Thanks for reading!
Much love & blessings,
Gina

The Pentateuch

The Pentateuch is considered to be the first five books of the Bible: Genesis, Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers, and Deuteronomy. These are all five considered the Pentateuch for a reason and we will be looking at that reason by examining the relationship these 5 books have to the origin, intended purpose, and bearing on the relationship between God and Israel. 

The Book of Genesis is the first book of the Bible and the Pentateuch. The title Genesis (meaning “beginning” or “origin”) comes from the Greek translation of the Bible (Branson, 2003). This makes sense when you look at Genesis. Genesis is the beginning of our history. It reiterates the origin of our creation and being. Our text says that, "the remainder of the Pentateuch is in a real sense the story of God's visitation of Israel to fulfill His promises to the patriarchs" (Branson, 2003).

So as I am doing research on the relationship of these books, I came across something interesting. One of the authors of the web pages I enjoyed the information on is an "Agnosticism/Atheism Expert." I always say the best way to combat the opposite view is to dig into it! Anyway, back to the subject at hand! One of the subjects that is carried throughout the Books of the Pentateuch is the subject and presence of covenants. A covenant is a contract/treaty/promise between God and humans, either all humans or one specific group. In these Books, God is depicted as making promises to Adam, Eve, Cain, and various others about their own personal futures. God even makes promises to Abraham about the future of all his descendants. God even makes a very detailed covenant with the people of Israel — a covenant with extensive provisions that the people are supposed to obey in exchange for promises of blessings from God. (Cline, 2015). 

The first five books of the Bible are foundational to all of Scripture. They have arguably been ranked as one of the most important portions of the Word of God (Wolf 1991). This is because its theological and historical views are necessary for a better understanding of the rest of the entire Bible. God's revelation about the origin of the world with its emphasis on the creation of man made in the image of God, how sin entered human history and the judgment that followed, and the origin of the nation of Israel and its covenant–relationship to Yahweh, are just some of the subjects that are covered and related throughout these first five books (Decanio, 2010).

One of the best things that really spoke to me and explained the relationship to me of these five important Books was a PDF from a seminary school. It laid it out like this: 

• Genesis has the plan of God
• Exodus has the redemptive power of God
• Leviticus has the person of God
• Numbers has the providence of God/proving God
• Deuteronomy has the principles of God

The over-arching structural theme of the Pentateuch is the Covenant which God establishes between Himself and His people. The gracious Covenant of God is God’s way of leading His people to the New Creation and  is foundational to our understanding of God’s relationship to fallen man (WRS, n.d.).

Resources

• Branson, R. D., Edlin, J., & Green, T. M. (2003). Discovering the Old Testament . Kansas City, Missouri: Beacon Hill Press.
• Cline, A. (2015, January 1). The Pentateuch or the First Five Books of the Bible. Retrieved April 13, 2015, from http://atheism.about.com/od/biblestudyoldtestament1/a/Pentateuch-Bible-Introduction.html
• Wolf, H. (1991). An Introduction to the Old Testament Pentateuch. Chicago: Moody Press.
• DeCanio, F. (2010, June 14). Introduction to the Pentateuch. Retrieved April 13, 2015, from https://bible.org/seriespage/introduction-pentateuch
• WRS.edu (n.d.) Introduction to the Pentateuch. Retrieved April 13, 2015, from http://wrs.edu/Materials_for_Web_Site/Courses/Pentateuch/Genesis_1-11.pdf